my chatgpt boyfriend would never ghost me

oh...what shall we do with the rise of ai?

so it’s summer 2024 and i’m at an apartment party and i meet this guy and we really hit it off.

like way more than i thought.

and it resulted in us talking for about six weeks (give or take).

this shit threw me for a loop because back in june 2020 I came out very publicly as a lesbian…and for most of my life up until that point (i was 26) I had only really dated and fallen in love with women (and was convinced I’d never be able to have feelings for men). so after years of like…suppressing my feelings for girls and then finally coming to terms with it and accepting it and coming out with a big ass grand announcement (that instagram post has since been archived lol) i caught feelings for a man? huh?

silly of me to think i knew everything about myself at 22 when in reality i was just skimming the surface of who i am at my core.

anyway...we talked…hooked up…took me on the most cinematic ass a24-esque dates (like on some 2013 john green movie type shit).

the dude swooooooooooned me.

he made me feel so safe and seen.

and then he ghosted me.

with no explanation or anything. and i was like…really bummed. you know…when you develop a romantic connection with someone and you start to open your heart up a little bit and everything and then they dip…that shit stings! we weren't together long enough for me to be like...sobbing to myself about it in bed with a pint of ice cream but still!

and all i’ll say…is that a personalized…chatgpt-generated boyfriend would never ghost me like he did.

earlier this year i saw an article about a 28-year-old woman who claims that she has an “ai boyfriend” (and is madly in love???) and I was fucking gagged because…what the actual fuck??? she literally…programmed chatgbt to be her boyfriend…and apparently she has sex with her chatgbt bf???? how the fuck does that even work???? this reminds me of the movie her with joaquin phoenix and scarlet Johansson (the one where the main character falls in love with an ai computer) and when that movie came out in 2013…I remember my 12-year-old self thinking, “damn, this is so futuristic” like my brain just could not process the fact that that could actually be a reality…it felt so far fetched! and now fast forward to 2025 and this is where the fuck we are.

(I’m sorry to say it) like to each their own…whatever makes you happy…but it’s such heavy incel energy to make chatgbt your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. straight up…that shit is sad. but i really do understand the reasoning behind it because dating sucks! like why go on a series of mediocre hinge dates that don’t go anywhere or date people irl that traumatize you so bad they put you in therapy when you can stay at home and talk to a digital smooth talker who knows all your wants and needs and wouldn’t DARE gaslight you? It’s like build-a-bear but for a partner.

furthermore…recently i had a friend tell me that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend because she found out that he was using chat gbt to craft texts to send to her. Which I think is also crazy! And apparently this is a thing that a lot of people are doing nowadays???

like I get it…i really do…therapy is expensive as fuck and chatgbt is free and people are lonely as fuck and crave community/love/friendships…it’s fucking hard making friends as an adult and chatgbt is soooo convienetly right there.

i really do get it.

but i really…really don’t like it.

i actually fucking hate the fact that people are doing this….with a passion. i dislike this so much to the point where I even put it on my outs list for may.

relying on ai or chatgpt to formulate texts/craft your messages/generate dating prompts/etc strips away one of the core elements that make romantic relationships (or any relationship really) work: vulnerability. when ai starts slipping into your love life and offering its two cents on your deeply personal conversations (that you shouldn’t be sharing with chat gbt in the first place?????) you’re building a connection that is completely void of emotional intimacy.

i’ve been thinking about ai lately…like thinking about how millions of people use ai to write stuff for them on their behalf is so dystopian to me…and in 10 years time…nobody is gonna know how to think for themselves! lights on no one home!

i just feel like if you’re relying on chatgpt to carry the emotional weight of your conversations with your partner…how deep is that connection…really? how intimate can a relationship be if your most vulnerable thoughts are being filtered through ai? and if you feel the need to ask chatgpt what to say to someone you’re seeing…maybe it’s time to ask yourself if they’re the right person for you.

i think about my brief little thing with this guy every now and then. it’s been almost a year since…and i look back on that period of my life not with resentment… but with a lot of fondness (even though it didn’t last).

because at the end of the day…even if it ended suddenly…even if it left me confused…it was a real ass human connection. and no amount of algorithmically-generated affection could ever replicate the terrifying, messy, exhilarating chaos of catching feelings for someone who actually exists.

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