i talk to myself all the time.
and to be honest…i don’t give a fuck if anyone thinks that’s weird! honestly…it’s one of the most centering parts of how i move through the world.
(i’m exposing myself so bad right now) but an on-and-off-again habit i had when i lived in new york is that i'd pull an addison rae and put my headphones on…walk through the city…and talk to myself like i’m on the phone so i could comfortably think out loud without people looking at me like i'm batshit crazy (i’ve since retired this hobby when i moved back to los angeles becuase now i have a car where i can be alone and monologue in peace like it’s my own private podcast).
i have a super hyperactive brain that moves a million miles a minute…and talking to myself out loud makes it easier to manage the thoughts that come flying in at full speed. this habit ties closely to something i deeply value: my internal monologue. she’s the narrator of my life…my main bitch…my homegirl…just a constant companion i rely on to process my day and make sense of myself. i spend a lot of time in my inner world (sometimes too much time) and it makes me feel less alone, even in moments of solitude.
but i recently found out that not everyone has an internal monologue…and that has been like…causing my brain to glitch the fuck out.
apparently…only 30 to 50 percent of people have an internal monologue. and that statistic alone…has me shook to the core. and then even more surprising: the majority of people are visual thinkers who process thoughts through images and not language. for someone like me…who experiences thoughts entirely in words…this was hard to fathom.
and at first i was like “the fuck do you mean not everyone has a second voice in their brain at all times?” “how the fuck do you think in shapes?” “is your brain just a pablo picasso painting whenever you try and think stuff through?”
through my rabbit hole…as i was trying to figure out how people think in this way…temple grandin was one of the first names that came up.
for those who don’t know who temple grandin is…she’s a renowned scientist, author, and autism advocate who’s widely recognized for her groundbreaking work in animal behavior/livestock industry (more info on her here).
in her book the autistic brain, she breaks down three dominant thinking styles: object visualizers (who think in detailed, photorealistic images), pattern thinkers (who see abstract systems and relationships), and verbal thinkers (who rely on inner speech). unsurprisingly…i fall in the verbal camp. but grandin is an object visualizer. she can run complex, high-resolution mental blueprints in her mind…a skill that helped her revolutionize livestock design.
she talks about how her visual mind gave her a unique way of seeing things that other people might miss…and instead of trying to change the way her brain works to fit the world, she leaned into it and reshaped the world around her. what an edge it must be to think in a way that does laps around the average neurotypical mind. and while her story is rooted in her neurodivergence, it’s fascinating to remember that most people (neurodivergent or not) lean visual in their thinking, which is something i had truly never considered until now.
it’s easy to assume our individual way of thinking is the default…especially when we’ve never been inside anyone else’s mind. but going down this particular rabbit hole has genuinely expanded my understanding of how varied human cognition really is. i like how there is no single “right” way to think…just a spectrum of styles…each with its own strengths.
it is such a beautiful thing knowing that there are a thousand different ways to process this little thing we call life.
if you enjoyed this piece…here are some others i’d recommend:
love should not be behind a paywall
i wish i could tell you this essay started with some profound revelation or like…some interesting anecdote about my life or something but…no. it started with me, lying in bed at 11:46 pm last night, …
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wdym ppl dont have a narrator in their head? my narrator in my head has a name, a studio apt, complete with her walk in closet. she yells at me all the time.
Real! I have this strange verbal compulsion where when I pass a mirror I HAVE to say "Don't worry, I love you" to my reflection. It's kinda embarrassing because I can't stop myself from saying it even in public and it takes effort to suppress myself from saying it out loud. But I guess there's something sweet even about that