my body is made out of sound

and that's all i am

Jul 13, 2025

in 2022, i got super into adrienne lenker’s solo music.

though i am a massive fan of big thief…i do think her solo work is much more poignant (in my opinion).

she has this beautiful album called hours were the birds that came out in 2014... it’s just her and an acoustic guitar…accompanied by the most gut-wrenching lyrics you’ve ever heard in your entire life.

i know that album front to back (btw: it’s such an ideal, easygoing album to play while wandering around a flea market…a music rec from yours truly) and there’s one song on there that i love called disappear. these lyrics from that song have always stuck out to me:

'cause this world, it keeps trying to pull me down
but my feet, they won't ever find the ground
'cause my body is made out of sound
and that's all i am

seen at a bookstore in palm springs (circa 2022)

i’ve been thinking about the lyrics in this song a lot lately in context of everything happening in los angeles / the united states / the world right now… because honestly, with all of it, it’s really hard to stay optimistic about pursuing my goals.

it’s hard to keep planning for a future that looks this fucked.

and to be completely honest… as much as i like to relish in optimism when i think about checking off everything on my bucket list, i can’t afford to stay naive and cling to the hope that a world will exist in the next few years where the life i’m manifesting (especially as a black woman) is guaranteed.

this is a looming feeling i have felt for months.

a part of me feels sad at the fact that i've mentally reached this point where i’m waving a white flag. because realistically…what power do i…a 27-year-old black woman from los angeles with a septum ring…a micro bang…and skin covered with mini patchwork tattoos…have over what’s happening right now? absolutely no power. at all. i have no control over any of the actions of the current administration.

what i do have control over is having fun… and pouring into my creativity… and making friends… and dating… and wearing my cute little outfits… and finding cute things at flea markets.

everything feels like a crazy fucking ticking time bomb… i feel this push to lean into play even more, and prioritize having as much of a good time as i can… while i still can (or have the rights to) (that’s dark as fuck to write, but i hate that that could even be a thing).

i’ve been using this feeling of impending doom as an invitation to put all my energy toward aggressively enjoying my own life.

because at the end of the day… if the world is crumbling beneath me… what the fuck do i have to lose? we’re all going down anyway…

if you enjoyed this piece…here are some others i’d recommend: