a love letter to los angeles: the city that raised me
on childhood nostalgia
so many people look at los angeles as the place to be if you wanna “make it”—aspiring actors, musicians, and creatives of all kinds flock to this city seeking a big break. i didn’t (to quote miley cyrus) hop off the plane at lax with a dream and a cardigan. for me…ryan elizabeth peete…this place has always been home.
growing up in la was like living in a parallel universe: everything felt dreamy and cinematic…but you didn’t question it because it was just...normal.
emotionally, la felt like one massive exhale. the city had this laid-back vibe i never questioned…it was chill, easy, and familiar: the tall palm trees, the gorgeous sunsets, and the perfect weather were the aesthetic—effortlessly beautiful and vaguely surreal.
instead of writing out a play-by-play of my childhood in los angeles…i can best describe my life there through vignettes:
the drives through topanga canyon with my family as a child, with sly and the family stone playing faintly through the car speakers…windows down…the wind cutting through the stillness of the morning…winding through the canyon…weaving through the dry, golden santa monica mountains, dotted with scrub brush, twisted oaks, and bursts of deep green chaparral that clung stubbornly to the slopes...until the hills opened up and you could see the pacific ocean.
my weekends in my tweens were reserved for post-sleepover runs to ralphs—me and my friends, half-asleep in pajama pants and slippers, piling into someone’s mom’s car as she begrudgingly drove us there. we’d wander the aisles like zombies, grabbing orange juice and frozen waffles to eat while binging that’s so raven back at someone’s house.
sundays as a teen were spent at the melrose trading post trying on vintage sunglasses and graphic t-shirts, then heading to brunch at urth caffé, eating individual margarita pizzas and downing glasses of green tea boba, and ending the day by taking “candid” instagram photos in front of the iconic paul smith pink wall—editing them in vsco before we even got back to the car.
places like the studio city farmers market, field trips to the getty villa, late afternoons lingering around the barnes and noble at the grove—these were the mundane, comforting backdrops of a life i didn’t realize i was already nostalgic for.
when it came time for college, i knew i wanted a change of pace—but not because i didn’t love where i came from. i’ve always believed college should pull you out of what’s familiar and push you out of your comfort zone—which is exactly what i was seeking during my application process.
so, in the fall of 2016, i started my freshman year at nyu tisch, which marked the beginning of a six-year-long love affair with new york city (more on that here).
new york city was everything la wasn’t: fast-paced, unrelenting, and electrifying. experiencing real seasons for the first time was a massive culture shock, everyone i passed on the street dressed like the main character in a film only they were starring in, and there was never a single moment when the city was completely void of sound.
the more time i spent there, the more that energy rubbed off on me: i became more confident and more sure of myself. i dressed how i wanted and i stopped trying to blend in. i loved my time there. but like any love story that lasts too long…something shifted.
the version of new york i once romanticized started to fall apart…and so did the version of me who needed to be there (more on that here). it stopped feeling like a city that saw me. so, in the spring of 2022, i came back to los angeles.
it wasn’t a dramatic exit…and there were other reasons i wanted to move that had nothing to do with falling out of love with the city. but at the moment...i just knew—it was time to come home.
i’ve been back in los angeles for three years now, and being here has made me feel more nostalgic than i expected. maybe it’s because i’m getting older…or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long time…the dust has finally settled. and in that stillness…i’ve found myself missing the softness of the places that raised me.
when i drive around la…i pass by so many places that are the framework of who i am: the line of teenagers outside the melrose trading post on a sunday. the winding curves of topanga canyon. the bookstore at the grove. sometimes i feel like a ghost passing through my own memories.
being back here has made me realize something i think i always knew: no matter where i’ve been, where i’ve traveled, or where i end up next... los angeles will always be the place i return to. it will always be the place i call home.
i left my heart in san francisco
it was june 2023, and i’d just come out of six months of healing from foot surgery.
falling out of love with new york city
when i first moved to new york in the fall of 2016, i was eighteen, wide-eyed, and deeply unsure of myself. i—ryan elizabeth peete—was a freshman at nyu, romanticizing every crack in the sidewalk but…
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hey ryan, if i was gonna visit LA as a first timer is there any other cool spots besides hollywood because my anxiety would CRASH there
I was just think about how much I want to read something so good that they can make me understand what it is like to live in a big city. I have visited them but never lived in one. I think you helped me get it.